Men of Impact is a ministry that came from my personal testimony of transformation. God showed me that the reason for all my trials was to give me the heart and the knowledge to lead men to victory, to impact their lives. This is my story…
Growing up and even through my adult years, I went through some very difficult times. As a kid, my family moved a lot. We moved due to the economy, job situations, and my parents’ disagreements over where to live. There was always division between my parents, especially on the decisions that most affected our lives. I don’t mean to speak badly of my parents at all; I believe all families are like this to some degree. This is just part of the picture that I want to paint to show people that even when things are out of order, God can help restore a family. There were times that my father would be living in a completely different city than the rest of my family. During this time, I was the oldest of five, and my three siblings were still very young. Because of the emotional ups and downs and our financial situation, my sister and I only did one year in public high school before we decided to do correspondence high school and help out around the house. For me personally, this was out of necessity and my heart to help my family.
The emotional toll of focusing on others instead of normal teenage issues and my own development seemed to have a very negative effect on me. It was difficult to go through teenage years without someone to focus on me, guide me, pour into me, or be there to answer the questions and uncertainties I faced in my life. But as life goes on, you do your best with what you have, and to this day I am thankful I was there for my younger siblings and my family. I felt God leading me to help. Looking back, I also know that my family was doing what they thought was best. Several times my father was in a city where he could make money and support us, and my mother wanted to stay in a city where we had family and stability. So both were doing trying to do what they thought best for our family to function.
My walk with God was strong, but I still went through some very hard emotions and circumstances. I really believe that through those times, I grew in God. My prayer life helped me to grow in Him and trust in Him.
When I was older, I went to Christ for the Nations and not only had a wonderful time, but gained greater independence, too. After I graduated, though, I dealt with severe depression, anxiety, and a lot of other spiritual problems all through my twenties. I again experienced anger, emotional distress, and a deep feeling of rejection. It was like I woke up a different person one day.
After three years, I went to a doctor and that’s when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was told that the two major causes were #1- stress and #2- genetics. There are many generational sins and issues on both sides of my family tree, just like all families have, and depression and anxiety is one of the issues in my family tree. So I struggled with that for most of my twenties.
Now you have to know that after Christ for the Nations I was in college for four or five years, but even though I attended many, many classes, I only finished one or two. By that time, I should have finished 24-30 classes. I rarely finished anything that I put my hands to, even when I started with excellence. If I did, I didn’t finish at the same level I started. This was even true of my engagement.
I always waited for the “one,” and when I was 22 I was friends with a girl for two years before we dated and then got engaged. Talk about waiting a long time; the first date, the first kiss, the first dance, the first everything! But I wanted to be with my first love. Anyway, that failed miserably right after we got engaged. Not sure why, but it just did. Part of it was the emotional issues I dealt with and struggled with, like feelings of rejection, anger, and so forth. I was bitter and very angry that I had these things in my life that were mostly caused from my childhood. The memories were bittersweet, though, because even though they had negatively affected me, they were what allowed me to help my family whom I love so much. But here again, I had something promising, something I poured my heart into, and then the end product was failure.
I felt at the end of my rope often, and with every new hope, there was an emotional and devastating rollercoaster ride of the ups and downs when that new opportunity failed in the end. You can imagine how new opportunities or opened doors or hope looked to me as time went by. This led to despair and occasional suicidal tendencies.
So I moved to Dallas. In the last five years, not only had I not built upon anything, but I had instead fallen backwards in all areas of my life. I figured that I would move to Dallas and just concentrate on school so that in two years I could at least attain my degree. I had a lot of people (including my parents) fully agree with me, saying how good it would be for me.
I got to Dallas, and all seemed well. I registered for four classes at the university, and then I was out looking for a job. Not too long after I arrived, I became sick with pneumonia. Right after that, my back went out, and I was on the floor weeping from pain for 10 days. I could not find a job, and I got very behind in my assignments. My depression, anxiety, and panic attacks worsened. I was inoperable most of my days there. I felt a lot of demonic activity in my apartment. I was up at night with a knife, sensing strongly that someone would break in and try to kill me. I had left Colorado and had come to Dallas after being at the lowest level of my life for years. I had been at the end of my rope and didn’t know I could go any lower. It was in Dallas, though, that I was at the lowest level. I did not know it could get any worse, but yet I experienced worse. I had moved to Dallas to concentrate and to focus on obtaining one of my goals and didn’t realize that the move would turn into isolation. It distanced me from my family, my friends, my church, along with all of my authorities and protection. After a few long months, I simply wrote my parents a letter of explanation. I said that I had gone through this stuff enough and that I needed them to help me get out. They were so supportive and helpful! We prayed about me coming back to Colorado to work on me for a while. I was hesitant to move back because school was already paid for, and I would have to quit again. I would be embarrassed with all my friends in Colorado. So I told my parents to make the call for me. They said it was very clear that I needed to come back to work on me. I agreed, and my dad and brothers drove out, helped me pack, and drove all the way back to Colorado. It was so amazing to have a loving family help like that! Little did I know, this would be the week that God would begin the transformation in my life that would change me like never before.
The week I returned, I went to a prayer ministry by one of our pastors. The pastor came over and prayed for me and instantly spoke to what I was going through. The second he touched on those areas, I begin to cry uncontrollably. I will tell you exactly what he said. He said, “I speak to all your pain, hurt, and rejection from your childhood.” He spoke of how it had been hindering me all my life and especially now. He said that Satan attached spirits of rejection, fear, and depression in my life as a young child so that it would hold me back from the purpose God called me for—to be in the pastoral and family ministry and to raise a family with a new Godly lineage, breaking the chains of bondage that we inherit from up to our fourth generation. He spoke of healing and freedom for these areas. He said that God loves me and made me repeat is three times. He said that God is very tender-hearted towards me. He said, “Bro, I don’t know exactly what, and I don’t need to know, but God is going to do something in your life this week that you have needed all your life.” He told me there was a satanic assignment for my death and that I had just seen it recently because of what the Lord was going to use me for in the ministry. He told me that all the pains, hurts, and on-going problems that were hindering my purpose and God’s will in my life would be healed and restored. That was a Saturday morning. Saturday went by, and Sunday went by and was coming to an end, and I told my parents that I didn’t feel any different- because the pastor said this week something was going to happen. Well they laughed and said that he had meant next week! I was so, so relieved. Once again, I thought that I had missed out. So Monday morning came, February 23rd, and let me tell you that God started to make things I was struggling with just break or vanish!!! They left, and it was like they were never there to start with! Thoughts, stuff I struggled with, strongholds—it all just disappeared. I felt so free, so alive! I felt my brain breathing and refreshment that I have never felt before in my life! I felt my blood circulating in my body and my body operating like never before. God not only healed the depression, but he also gave me such a joy that I had never experienced before. God didn’t just heal the rejection but also gave me such an overwhelming sense of love for myself. I could feel, I could experience how much God loved me, and I could now understand why so many people told me growing up what a great and special guy I was. I was overwhelmed and so grateful and ecstatic about what a great guy God had allowed me to become. I was so happy that I looked the way I did; I was so happy that I was me! God healed the anxiety and panic attacks. Instead of avoiding certain problems or hard things in life, I embraced them and turned those butterflies into confidence. Everything I have done since then, I have completed even stronger! God healed the suicidal tendencies and not only healed, but has really given me an outlook of a life-giving attitude. He again has shown me how much he loves me, and how much I could love myself. He healed all the pains from my childhood that I was living out every day—every hurt that I so vividly remembered and had still been affecting me greatly. I was able to forgive and forget. He has turned them into an anointed, powerful, and strong testimony to help others.
Just one week after I had been home and had this initial transformation, my dad had us all go to lunch with a man who started Biblical Concepts in Counseling. This ministry is so effective that there is literally a five year waiting list to be counseled by this man! God put it on this man’s heart to get me into the BCC as quickly as possible, and within a week a spot opened up, and I was able to meet with one of the counselors. This ministry, BCC, focuses on cleaning up deep-rooted spiritual and emotional issues with an individual and with married couples. Some of these areas are bitterness, pride, rebellion, moral failure, rejection, physical abuse, etc. They resolve emotional and spiritual problems, and also through biblical application and prayer, they disconnect the emotional pain from the memory. I went through this for their normal session, and God used that in such a mighty way! He cleaned me from all the emotional pain and hurt in my past—even things I hadn’t identified. I was walked through the healing process to resolve each issue.
At that time, I told my men’s pastor about all that was happening and he asked me to share it in our “5am no thrills Bible study.” When I gave my testimony, it surprisingly touched all of the men greatly, and this is when I started to realize after talking to them and other friends and family, that they were experiencing most, if not all of the same issues!! They, too, felt like they couldn’t share this with anyone, and so when I brought it up, they were able to open up. Please read the five things that I shared with this men’s group that God told me to share along with my testimony. I believe this is what God wants to share with you from my testimony and experience. God bless you all, and if I can help in anyway, please get in contact with me. Thank you.
Click here to read the 5 things God revealed to me to share to others from my testimony.